Ever have one of those days where it feels like the more you get done, the further behind you end up? I had one today. It was stressful and not fun at all! I am rarely as stressed out as I felt today. I was sitting at my desk, lips pursed, jaw clenched, shoulders tight and hunched, and trying not to kill anyone. Not that my current workload is anyone's fault. Everyone in my department is completely swamped, and completely overworked and stressed out.
But seriously, today I really felt like I was drowning. I really do enjoy my job, when I actually get to do it. But lately, and for the last few months, it feels like a ton of busywork (right Christyn?). Everything we (the underwriters in my department) do only results in more reports and clerical work, which keeps us from being able to continue on with our actual duties. Which reminds me right now, that I forgot to update one of the many spreadsheets that I needed to plug some info into today. Crap. There is no escape!! There's just too much work for too few people to handle. And my department seems to end up responsible for duties that really should be covered by other departments that don't pull their own weight or can't be trusted to do things correctly.
I do not like this level of stress. I feel it in my whole body, and it makes me want to cry. I was fighting back tears today at work for the first time (okay, the first time that it was due to work issues). I guess it was that at that moment, while attempting to field the numerous e-mailed requests and questions I had just received, I felt like I couldn't do it. In the 5+ years I've been there, I've never really felt that way at work before. Not to that extent anyway. I've felt like I didn't know enough yet or that it was challenging, but never that I couldn't actually do it. Weak moment on my part, I guess.
I suppose it didn't help that one of my co-workers asked if I felt okay, and said that I didn't look like I felt well. (That on top of one of my co-workers mentioning yesterday that I looked tired...) And part of it may be that PMS is evil and vengeful (reasons for vengeance unknown), and I'm afraid it may have me in it's claws right now. (And I HATE to admit that PMS might be to blame for any behavior changes, but hormones will kick your butt, given the chance.)
Anyway, I finished up one task and hightailed it out of there for a lunch break. An hour sitting outside with a good book and a nonfat chai latte can do wonders for someone! It didn't banish all of the stress, but it sure did help a lot. And when I came back to work and got back into the groove, it didn't seem quite as hopeless as it had earlier. And after talking to a couple of co-workers here and there, it sounded like a lot of us were having the same stress overload issue today. (Sad how it really does help to know you are not alone in your misery!)
Here's to hoping that I have a much more positive work experience tomorrow! Actually, I'm hoping all of my co-workers have a better day tomorrow!