Today, it has been 6 months since my painful breakup. I was surprised this afternoon when I realized it was today, and I didn't freak out or get all weepy. That's progress, right? I feel like I've come pretty far since February (and I should hope so anyway!).
Now I'm pretty much back to where I was before I met him. Convinced I'm going to be alone forever. Okay, I really have more hope for finding someone I can spend my life with, but in my lower moments I do fear eternal solitude. Even when I was with him, I had those moments of fear that something would happen and I'd be left alone again. Not usually a fear that he was going to leave me, so much as a fear that there'd be some accident or illness that would take him from me. Obviously, I have issues with death and loss. (But at least I'm aware of it. And yes, I know it's out of my control anyway, and I will deal with what life brings. But I am a worrier by nature. I wouldn't not get involved with someone due to the fear of loss.)
But my point is that independence, as much as I value it, is sometimes exhausting. I know I can provide for myself, and get along fine on my own and have a fulfilling and enjoyable life. However, it's nice to have someone there to rely on as well. It really cuts down on the stress factor, and is just comforting. I miss that the most I think.