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Friday, April 21, 2006

Look Ma! I'm knitting!

Knit Wit

My friend that I was supposed to have brunch with on Saturday cancelled on me Friday night. So, instead of consuming delicious breakfast foods in wine country, I languished on my couch with a cup of tea and a pair of knitting needles. I also decided I'd pamper myself and use a teacup from my collection for my tea in the morning. Doing that always makes it feel special somehow.

As I did not having much luck with the double cast on method when I last attempted it, I tried the cable cast on, which I found online. I had much better luck with this method. See? All the loops were all lined up correctly and everything! (Don't mind that pile of laundry on the bathroom floor in the background...that was on the agenda for later in the weekend.)


Once I'd cast on 20 stitches, I practiced the knit stitch for a while. Not too bad. Then Sunday, I attempted changing yarn colors...did not go as smoothly. I did something wrong, not sure what. But, I'll bet if I pulled out the book and read how it's supposed to be done, it would go better next time...

Then I worked on the sock I'm crocheting. So far I am enjoying the lorna's laces. I didn't shoot any photos of that yet though.

Cleaning Spree

Sunday started out with another cup of tea (or two) in another nice china cup. And a bit more knitting.

Then, the cleaning started. I feel like I did a lot, yet you can't see a huge difference (though the bathroom is notably cleaner...I don't spend as much time in there as I do in my living room). But, I did get 4 loads of laundry done, so at least I have things to wear to work this week.

Cowardice

I really need to call my ex regarding returning his stuff to him and getting mine back. I don't know if he's still living in the same place or not (he was going to move closer to work). I am afraid to talk to him. I don't know what to expect. I don't know what to say. And I'm terrified. But I think my biggest fear is that he may have found someone else already, while I'm so not even close to over him yet, and I'm afraid that would crush me. Okay, I know it would crush me.

And when I signed on to the internet tonight, he was online, but idle. When I saw his screen name I actually felt ill for a minute. Totally lost my appetite (I had been eating some macaroni & cheese). But, I sent him a simple "hello," and went on with my business, chatted with a couple of friends and wrote an e-mail. Figured I'd work on my blog. An hour later, he appeared no longer idle, so (now annoyed that he'd not responded, even though I knew he probably wouldn't), I told him we needed to figure out what to do about getting each other our stuff that had been left in our respective homes. Then I told him to e-mail or call so we could figure it out, and please not to ignore the message. And it kills me that he's not responding, and that it still hurts me so much. Like he couldn't care less. Even though I'm really hoping he got my message and it made him miserable to know that he let me go. I really hope he's questioning everything he's done. But I'm sure he's not. I'm sure he is probably annoyed that I attempted to contact him. (I haven't made any attempts for a whole month.) Why does this still hurt so much? I've been doing so well, but seeing his name on my screen just brought it all back. It's not fair. This still sucks. And sadly, I still want him back. Am I an idiot? I think it is probably worse because he was my first love. (Yes, my first love, and I didn't meet him until I was 29...and he left me at 30. My love life has always been pathetically non-existant, and now it is again.)

8 comments:

Joie said...

Nope, definitely not pathetic.
Broken hearts are messy nasty things, and you helped pick me up off the floor enough times. You just don't happen to like to run stairs......

It'll run it's course, and should get easier. You are such a great person. I do hope than when you are ready you will get back out there again and take another swing at it.

And you're also right that first loves are the hardest, and they also take the longest to get over.

But on a lighter note, tea in fine china (or some facimilie thereof) always makes me feel special too. So drink up!! And here to you, cheers!!

Dagny said...

Mmmm ... tea. And don't worry. Your love life is not over.

Dagny said...

Tami, just came across something that might be of interest to you. On Sunday 4/30 Debbie Stoller will be at Art Fibers in SF signing books. It starts at 5:30.

Tami said...

Joie - thanks for your support. You are a great friend! (Yes, I spelled it right...kept the 'r' in and everything 0:) )

Dagny - where in SF is Art Fibers? (I know, I know...I can look it up too...)

Dagny said...

124 Sutter between Kearney and Market -- not that far from the Montgomery Street BART station.

kerri said...

Aw, Tami. You're not pathetic. Just a girl, who loved a boy, who got her heart broken. And it sucks. Unfortunately, it always sucks, no matter what. But somehow, (and I don't know how.. but if I knew, I bet I would be a millionaire) it gets better. It just does.

I'm bummed that after all of that, your plans got cancelled. :((Hi Joie!)

But glad you enjoyed tea! Yum!

Anonymous said...

Joie... said what I wanted to say perfectly!!!! Just believe that you will find someone and more importantly that you are worthy of love and you will find it!! I'll help if you want!!!! My advise would be to take him off your buddy list. That way you won't be tormented!!!! It is just too hard. I am so beyond horrified that he never responded! How Rude!!!!

Caitlin said...

Hey, I just wrote the last comment (Cait) but I don't think my name showed up!