Recap

Oh look at that!  That date can't be right, can it?  It's been two months since my last post!  Someone has been busy!  Honestly, I can't remember what was keeping me so busy during the month of April, but May was chock-full of business trips, vacations and other social occasions...

So, now that I'm back here, I'll try to catch you up (you 4 people that read me, that is).  While I've been remiss in my blogging activities, I've mirrored that in my WW vigilance.  My tracking has been sporadic, starting in late April with my friend's daughter's birthday party.  It's hard to track during parties (it can be done, and I've done it, but I got lazy) - there's excuse number 1.  Past experience has taught me that I need to track my food or I slip quickly into old habits...which I did.  As a result, my weight loss has been pretty much flat-lined for the last 2 months.

I'm still down over 15 lbs, so I'm not using this plateau as excuse #2 to stop trying!  Nope, excuse #2 was the last minute whirlwind business trip to Long Island, NY.  Traveling on-plan is tough to start with, and I didn't plan ahead.

Excuse #3 was the bachelorette weekend in South Lake Tahoe that immediately followed the business trip.  After 2 weeks of not tracking, the old habits were just waiting in the wings to take over.  I discovered Ben & Jerry's Frozen Greek Yogurt and the fact that I have no control with anything that comes in a single pint container.  Still a better binge than their regular ice creams, but heavy on the points...

Enter Excuse #4 - vacation in Florida visiting my old college roommate, Moriah.  We hit the beach, the zoo, St. Augustine and had an all-around good time.  (I'm hoping she did too, as I can only speak for myself.)

After that, I did half-arsed tracking for about a week before slipping again.  I managed to maintain during the week that I tracked, though I did use all of my weeklies.  I blame cheesecake, which has a direct correlation to my lack of control.  That cheesecake was fully tracked and accounted for, though.  So, that's something.

Excuse #5 was all of the recent activity surrounding my step-brother Mark's wedding this past weekend.  I got permission to work remotely last Thursday and Friday so that I could attend the rehearsal (I did half of the prayers of the faithful during the ceremony) on Thursday evening and the luncheon on Friday afternoon.  Naturally, much food was involved...not to mention the wedding on Saturday and the brunch on Sunday - none of which was tracked.

So, my WW week has reset as of today, and I am done with the excuses!  (Please hold me to that statement.)

Early Days

I am so off of my normal schedule today...  I had a conference call to attend this morning at 7:30am.  Way too early!!  I usually start work in the late morning and work into the early evening, so I knew this would be a challenge and I was determined not to be late to the call.

Normally, I would have simply gone to bed a lot earlier, but I had a hair appointment last night that was sorely needed.  As I told my hairdresser, there was so much white at the top of my head that I looked like a really short snow capped mountain.  That may have been the teensiest bit exaggerated...but my roots were grown out over an inch and I can see the white (maybe I wouldn't see so much of it, if I stopped looking for it).  Anyway, the hair appointment was not something to be put off, and I didn't get home until 11:30pm.  By the time I got to bed it was midnight, and naturally I could not fall asleep.  Isn't that always the way?

I must have fallen asleep at some point, since the alarm jarred me awake at 5:30am.  I really had to drag myself out of bed.  It was an effort, but I was successful.  Yes, miracles do happen.  I made it to the office in time to get my coffee (serious meeting necessity) and ended up as the 2nd person to call the conference line.

As tired as I have been all day long due to the lack of sleep, it was kind of nice to leave work while the sun was still shining.  I made a detour to Target on the way home and found a gift for my nephew, who is turning 2 on Saturday.  A few other items somehow found their way into my cart, too, but most of them were things I needed (I made an effort to avoid the clothing/shoes/accessories area of the store since I didn't want to spend all evening there, which is entirely possible).

My victory of the day though (non-work related) is pushing myself to hit the treadmill when I got home.  So far, I have been only following the food portion of WW, and had not started incorporating the exercise part.  I know I can't keep putting it off, or I will plateau.  I'm down 5 pounds over the last 4 weeks, which is a better weekly weight loss average than I've ever experienced in the past.  I am fully convinced that it is related to me tracking 24/7 instead of just the 3 days before weigh-in.  Making the effort to follow the good health guidelines has to be helping, too.

That being said, I did hit the drive-thru yesterday for the first time in weeks.  I needed to grab something quick between work and my hair appointment (which is close to my home, but an hour from my office).  I checked out the nutritional information before I left work and stuck to my pre-determined order when I got there.  And then I kept my hand away from the candy bowl at the hair dresser's...

Previously, I would have let that trip to Burger King derail the rest of the week through the end of the weekend.  I am consciously not doing that this time.  Today I was right back on plan, including the exercise.  I pre-planned/packaged my lunch for tomorrow too.  I'm still hoping that I can maintain this motivation!  Wish me luck!

I Hate Technology

Alternate Title:  I Do Not <3 Computers
Alternate Title 2:  How Technology Ruined Both My Day and My Appetite
Alternate Title 3:  Rage Against the Machine

Warning - The following post contains a rant.  The views expressed in this post are solely those of the author during the specific time period of 2:00 PM to 3:27 PM Pacific Standard Time and are subject to change at any given moment.  By continuing to read the post that follows, the reader hereby agrees to hold the author harmless against any damages, perceived or actual, be they physical, mental or otherwise. The author also hereby acknowledges that the actual post that follows this warning statement is likely to be far less entertaining or interesting than the information preceding said post.  Reader acknowledges that she/he has chosen to continue reading at his/her own discretion.

Post:

I am so frustrated right now, I can't even describe it, but I'll try.  I have been working on this project at work for over a month now, with no set deadlines.  It involves a long and complicated series of Excel Spreadsheets in which I have to create mathematical formulas that make sense.  That's the overly simplified version of my task, but any of you that know me know that math is not my strongest subject.  On the upside, I'm getting pretty good at Excel.  On the downside, I am probably going to be totally blind by 40 if I don't learn to look away from the screen to rest my eyes.

That's not the frustrating part.  This morning I received an email that hardened up my deadline to the end of business on 1/28.  I'm not sure the sender realized that the 28th is Saturday, but I was trying to complete this spreadsheet portion of the project this week anyway, and if I need to work through Saturday from home to complete it, I'm not going to complain about the extra 24 hour window (don't tell my bosses that, though). 

That's not the frustrating part, either.  The frustrating part is that what happened next to completely ruin my day is almost certainly my own fault.  I was making great strides on the project this morning, nesting logical tests in my formulas, tightening up the math to really align with the original methodology...I know, blah, blah, blah technical speak, blah.  Whatever - I was making excellent progress on one of the difficult sections that I had hitherto tried to ignore until necessary.  I was determined to finish up that section before emerging from my cozy little office cave (only cozy because the closed door keeps the warmth inside) to heat up my lunch.  Oh, I was so close!!  Almost 2pm, getting hungry, with the end in sight!  Yes, I do normally wait that long before eating lunch - my work schedule is not the norm. 

All was right as rain when I needed to correct a character in one of the long and complicated formula calculations.  I think the computer froze for a second (taunting me, no doubt), and I reached for the back button.  I thought I hit it, but an error message popped up on my screen.  I closed the annoying grey window (duh, I was trying to fix that error), reach for the back button...hit something...

BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH

Okay, there was some rapid window closings before the blue screen hit, with the "Windows is shutting down," message thrown in my face, but still, the effect was the same.

Total despair.  I stare at my keyboard in shock and dismay.  I feel sick. What is that?  Did I hit something by mistake?  Did I save?  Wait...what?  Who?  WHY!?  WHY is the Power key so close to the Back Space key!??  Is this some computer designer giving the finger to every user out there because they think they're better than us?  (Hmm...probably not, but I'm not ruling it out.)  Honestly, I don't know if I hit that Power key or not, since it's quite a reach for my little pinky finger, which makes me wonder.  WTH happened if it wasn't me?

So, the power down may have been my doing, albeit accidental, though I have experienced this type of random shutdown in the past that I know wasn't self-inflicted.  I'm willing to accept possible user error for this...but I don't have to like it.  But that's not even what I'm the most irritated by.  Apparently, in my excel-induced hypnosis, I had neglected to save at each stage of my work this morning.  Knowing the company systems here, I usually save every time something is done right.  Apparently not today.  I know IT can't do anything for me, because they could only retrieve the data from the last save, which is what I already have.

And if it wasn't the Power key, then there is something seriously wrong with this computer.  I really do think this is the case, too.  It does weird things.  I've had my cursor jump to different sections of the page I've been on, without me tabbing or using the mouse.  (No touch pad on my desktop, either, so it wasn't a hovering issue.)  My boss's computer is even worse.  I've told her I think her office is haunted, mostly joking (ghost in the machine, right?).  Maybe it's been taken over by the Judoon and there's an alien in the building (I have some guesses as to who that might be).

Regardless, I thought technology was supposed to make our lives easier!  That is not the case today.  If I'd been doing this project manually, this never would have happened!  (Of course, if I'd been doing this project manually, there are a whole host of other problems that I'd be ranting about, but I digress...)  I was also irrationally angry at the computer.  Well, maybe it was rational.  I really wanted to physically harm this inanimate object - yes, just like in Office Space.  I was having visions of tossing it out the window, but since they don't actually open in this building, and are most likely plexiglass, it only would have bounced back to hurt me.  (I know this computer is intent on causing me harm.)

After confirming that none of my work was saved, I was seriously close to tears.  This was probably not helped by the fact that I hadn't yet eaten.  Close to tears and tensed as if for attack.  I had the old lady pursed up lips and everything.  I had to pop over here to get it out before someone at work tried to speak to me.  That wouldn't have been pretty.

So now I have to attempt to remember and recreate all of my earlier brilliance from the day, which is most likely lost forever.  I'm in a mood, and even though it could have been my fault, I still blame the computer and the poor design of the keyboard (in case that Power key was really depressed).  I mean, really.  Put the freakin' Power key as far away from the keys most commonly used as possible.  Like way over above the number pad or something.  Does anyone really even use that key to shut down the machine?  I never have. 

Phew, that felt rather good.  I have an appetite again.  I am still not happy, but I'm resigned (no - that doesn't mean I quit my job.  I may be feeling rather stupid at the moment, but not that stupid).  I'm still irrationally angry at the computer and resenting the fact that I have to do everything again and wasted an entire half of my work day on unsaved work.  And judging by how this day is going, I will probably end up having to appear for jury duty tomorrow, ensuring that there is no way I can complete my project by my deadline.  (This is a distinct possibility, as I do have a jury summons for tomorrow.)

*As a further example of how technology is apparently out to get me, after I previewed this blog post, the formatting changed completely without me entering any commands.  Technology looks out for itself...

Would you like some cheese with that whine?

Why do some people make everything so complicated?

Everyone at work (okay, maybe 3 or 4 people, but it was enough) kept asking me if we were going to do a Secret Santa exchange this year. I ended up organizing it last year, because everyone wanted to do it, but no one else would pony up and make it happen. So naturally, people seemed to be waiting for me to take the necessary action again this year. So I sent out the email last week to see if people were interested. Most were, so today I sent another email to the willing participants with more details, and asking for input.

My idea, with verbal suggestions from other co-workers, was to pick names next Monday, cap the total spending at $20, leave little items here and there for our giftee through the week, and exchange final gifts on the 19th. Everything seemed fine, although we changed the date to the 18th because people were out on the 19th...

Then I get this email from the boss (on which she has copied everyone) stating if we are leaving small gifts she can't participate. I responded to all, clarifying the spending cap and making the little (and inexpensive) gifts part optional. Then I get this private email from her - "Then some people will get a bunch of gifts and others won't." I responded to her saying that it's all the same value (since the spending cap is the same for both ways), and she just writes back saying "Tami - you know it doesn't work that way."

Oh my God. Grow up, will you? Just tell me if you're participating or not, and keep your whiny crap to yourself. We're all adults and it's all for fun. This is not something you need to stress over! (My other boss was sympathizing with me on this, and yes, I shared the exchange with her, because she had a similar one and had called me vent while I was staring in shock at my email.) While I was conspiring with the other boss, a response to my clarification email came in saying "Great idea! I like it." It made us both laugh.

And I can't tell you how many of my co-workers came over to me to mention how ridiculous that boss's response to the little gifts idea was. Urgh. I'm thinking tiny little things, like a greeting card or a candy cane or something. It's not unheard of in the Secret Santa circles.

There is a reason everyone wanted to do this and no one wanted to spearhead it. At least I won't have to do it next year! (Perk 1 for getting a new job.)

In less irritating/petty news - I cleared out the corner of my living room for my Christmas tree and it is now up, with lights (though the bottom string is unlit because of a broken bulb...and I pulled out the vaccuum after 10pm because I didn't know when the bulb broke or where the glass bits ended up) and the tree skirt.

Christmas Rush?

So, I'm starting to wonder if that Christmas rush everyone talks about is going to hit soon. One of my co-workers asked me to bring my jewelry into work last Friday, so I put it all in a bag and decided to include the cards and crocheted stuff too.

Everyone was duly impressed with the scarf and hat (Chloe and Talise), and I ended up selling Talise and getting a custom order for 4 scarves. Yay me! Below is a pic of the yarns I am making the scarves with (she asked for gold, pumpkin, deep blue, and olive, which is not in the below picture). Gracie didn't want to be left out. Unfortunately, I had to whisk her away after taking the shot, so she wouldn't leave (much) cat hair on the yarn.

I've also had more people ask about putting in some orders for the holidays, or for themselves, but I don't have any actual sales from that yet. My custom order (actually for my manager's manager) paid 1/2 up front, so I didn't have to buy supplies out of my pocket (I like that arrangement!).

Also, after this weekend I have a new respect for bowlers. I went bowling on Friday night with some friends (and yes, I still really suck at it). Aside from my final scores, the really pitiful part is how sore I am 2 days later! My thumb is no longer numb (okay, it wasn't quite that bad), but my forearm is totally sore, as is my right ankle (lunges, anyone?) and upper thigh. So sad...

But I'm recovering...and now I have to go attempt to sign into my work computer from home. I'm going to attempt to try to work at home 2x a month. This Wednesday is my trial run (if I find that I'm not getting any work done, I probably will not do it again). Wish me luck!

Surreality

Well, we got additional information about the severance plan today (no info on the retention package yet though). The severance is paid out based on length of time with the company, and is in the form of regular paychecks, including benefits. That's good, since it won't be taxed as a bonus and we won't have to do COBRA during that time. Also, in addition to the severance, the company is giving everyone 60 days paid notice, during which we'll receive our regular paychecks and benefits and not be required to work. (This is a legal requirement.) The severance begins after the 60 day notice period is over.



A lot of people were finishing up their last day today, and will be back tomorrow for the career development seminar. It's weird to see so many people go all at once. Sad. It will be worse tomorrow after the seminar. Then, with those of us left (outside of my department anyway) being spread out so much in the building, it will be quite different.

And speaking of sad, they cleaned out the marketing closet today and it was a madhouse in the hallway where they were placing the loot. It was pathetic...what a bunch of vultures! (And me at the forefront!) Dad - expect some goodies.



In other news, I made this the other day and wore it to work yesterday:

I liked the clasp so much I wore it in front

This is freshwater pearls and czech glass beads on wire. I got a few compliments on it, and some people telling me I should make more and sell them. I'm thinking about Etsy, but don't really know how it works. Here's a close-up:

I'm not sure how sturdy the wire is though, and am afraid it might break after a few wearings. I'll see how long it lasts. I don't know the best type of wire to use to crochet jewelry - I just hope this one didn't contain any lead.

A Reprieve

Okay, I can stop the panic process for now. My whole department is being retained for 12 months. We'll get the retention package via mail probably next week, but in the meantime, at least I won't be out of a job come this Friday. What a relief.

I have no clue as to what the retention package with contain, but if I stick it out until the end of the 12 months, I'll at least get severance at that point. And, since I'll know ahead of time when it's coming, I can start the job hunt in advance.

Anyway, I'm no longer feeling nauseated and anxious. However, I do know that it will be different, with other co-workers and support staff from other areas of the company being phased out before the end of my employment. It will be a challenge, no doubt.

Thank you all for your kind words of support!

Adrift

Hmm…I had started a post earlier today about my general paranoia about the mortgage market and it's potential effect on my employment. Since beginning the post, I've found out the impact… The company where I've worked for the past 6 years is shutting down (or rather, being wound down by our parent company). We got the announcement today, at about the same time as the press release went out, but won't know any details on severance packages or possible retention packages until Friday. I do not like change. And, I do not like knowing only a little bit about what's going to happen. Tell me everything right away…don't take a full week to rip off the Band-Aid. (Now, if it were an actual Band-Aid, I might take that full week.)

My particular department *may* be retained for a while (6mo +?), but this is from verbal statements. I won't believe it until I have the retention package in my hands. (Or the severance package, whichever the case may be.) I'm kind of freaking out right now, but given what little we've been told already, it sounds like I should have a good window of time to find something before the severance would run out. I'm hoping they offer us a good retention package, because if they do, I'm riding it out until the end. However, just knowing that it is going to end is causing me gastrointestinal distress. (Sorry you had to hear that, but it's true!)
Anyway…I guess I'll be tightening the proverbial belt a bit now. And brushing up ye olde resume - if I can find a copy of it anywhere. I may have to request it from HR.

Wish me luck (and sanity!). I just may have to start selling that jewelry after all...

Is it Friday Yet?

Yeah, I already know the answer to that one.

Luckily, the a/c was fixed early on this past Monday. Unfortunately, in no time at all I was back to freezing in my tiny little cell. I mean, cube. Also, on Monday morning my co-workers and I all received an email from the department dictator (aka the boss) stating that since she's going on vacation next week, all of our files that are due by the 20th need to be completed before the end of this week. That pretty much screwed all of us for the whole week. So, I've been working extra hours and stressing out. Again. But at least the week of the 20th should be somewhat smooth sailing. (Man, I hope I don't regret making that statement.)

And to top it off, I am planning on a weekend trip to Santa Cruz/Monterey with some co-workers. We're going to leave Friday night (the 20th, so maybe I can leave early, since the boss is on vacation...shh...don't tell) after work, and will be staying in a vacation rental for two nights in Santa Cruz. I'm hoping the weather improves by then...it's cool and muggy here lately. We're thinking of going whale watching in Monterey on Saturday too, which I've never done. I'll be sure to take my camera.

Suddenly Ceviche

So it's not the prettiest concoction, but it's darned tasty. A few of us were joking around at work yesterday about who was bringing in food tomorrow (that is to say, today). "What's the occasion?" was a question thrown out there, and Sharon checked out her calendar and mentioned that it would be flag day. Also mentioned was the fact that our department had once had an all-finger-foods/appetizers potluck (I think I made cornmeal chili creampuffs or something for that one - they were more like biscuits, but started with a choux pastry). I thought about it over the rest of the day (since I had no actual motivation), and thought it might be fun to whip something up and bring it in for no reason.

So, while perusing Allrecipes.com, I ran across this recipe for ceviche and thought it looked really good. And I liked that it did not require any cooking (Caitlin - you can make this for Kyle over the summer and not have to turn on the oven!). I ran to the store and picked up the fresh veggies on my way home, and then got to choppin'. It was a success at work today, and I had 2 requests for recipes (1 from someone in another department that didn't even try it!).

Anyway, I decided that I would share it here. You can check out the original or you can check out what I actually did below. My editorial comments are in italics.

Shrimp Ceviche:

Ingredients -
1lb pre-peeled, deveined cooked salad shrimp (I opted for pre-cooked shrimp as it was easier to find, and I'm distrustful of the cooking by marinating method...)
5 limes, juiced
3 medium sized vine-ripened tomatoes
1/2 yellow onion, finely diced
1 large cucumber, peeled, seeded and diced
4 serrano peppers, seeded and minced (don't make the mistake I did. Wear gloves when handling/mincing these innocent looking suckers! I hardly ever eat spicy foods, and didn't actually realize that these were one of the hottest varieties... About an hour after mincing these, the fingertips and palm of my left hand started burning...and still are burning today!! Much worse after my shower tonight. But I read up on this online tonight, and ending up sitting in front of the TV for about 15 minutes with the affected digits in a cold container of yogurt to cut the capsaicin. I also popped a Benadryl. I'm not sure which one did the trick, but I'm not in pain at the moment. Thank God I didn't touch my eyes!! Okay, next ingredient.)
1 Avocado, diced
salt and pepper to taste.

Instructions:

1. Dice shrimp. Place into large bowl. (Most recipes I see for ceviche specify to use a glass bowl. I don't know if it needs to be glass, but I do know you want a non-reactive material...so steer clear of metal bowls.)

2. Squeeze (or pour) lime juice over shrimp until completely covered (you may need more or fewer limes, depending on the size of the limes. If using the uncooked shrimp, make sure all of the shrimp is immersed in juice. If using pre-cooked shrimp, this is less important).

3. Stir in remaining ingredients. Cover and refrigerate for at least 1 hour.

4. When ready to serve, adjust seasoning with salt and pepper as needed. Serve with tostada shells or tortilla chips.

Quick Note

Sorry I haven't been posting much lately. It's been go-go-go since I got back from vacation. And that non-stressed feeling passed rather quickly. I was gone last weekend, visiting my father, and doing taxes (yippee...). Starting this week, we are down 2 employees in my department at work, and naturally, now we're all even more overworked than usual. So, I've been working late again, not that that is anything new. But, consequently, there is less time for me to check everyone else's blogs, let alone my own. So, if anyone is still reading my wee little blog, I'm sorry for my lack of comments. I'll be back, I promise!

And, now that Lent is over, I am free to pursue all my fiber (and other crafty-type) needs...that being said, I've already been to the craft store 2x since Easter. I've stocked up on materials for a baby shower gift, but I can't give many details, because the recipient (you know who you are) reads this and has a definite curiousity issue (okay, so she already knows what she's getting, just not what it's going to look like yet, so I can't post any photos or ask for any public opinions). But, now that I've started this project, I'm spending more free time on that and less in front of the computer at home.

And even though there's probably more that I could update everyone on, I'm really tired and need to head to bed... Isn't my life exciting?

Stuff

Today's horoscope, per Yahoo: "Stress is not always a bad thing -- in fact, it can bring out the best in you."

Let's just hope that's true!! I was "spoken to" again today about my chronic lateness. Usually 10-15 minutes, which wouldn't be a problem if my start time wasn't 9am. It looks like the department is going to be cracking down (again) on the tardiness factor and my direct boss wanted to give me a heads up (which I do appreciate). I'm not the only one with a tardiness issue either, and if they want to discipline anyone in the department for it, they have to discipline everyone. So, I need to really work on it. And it is a major problem for me to get out of bed! (Very sad for one of my advanced years, I know.) I actually asked one of my co-workers to call me in the morning tomorrow to make sure I'm up. It's helped in the past. Wish me luck!!

In other news, I've still been working on The Purse, and have decided that guage swatches are totally misleading. If you remember, I actually made swatches until my chosen hook made the desired guage called for in the pattern. Then I started the purse, second guessed myself, started again, screwed up, and started again (not sure how many times now). After all that, I thought the purse still looked gargantuan, so I decided to measure it... (See massive base below.)

Nineteen inches!!! If I keep going on like this, I'm going to need WAY more yarn. And of course, it won't be cute anymore, because it will be bigger than me. So, yet again, I've decided to rip this puppy completely apart again and start anew. And the rows that I've worked and reworked a thousand times have worn the yarn down to a nice nubbly old sweater texture...so, I think I'm truly starting fresh this time, and not reusing that half-skein that's already in there. (If I need it towards the end - yes, I am determined to finish this!! - I will use it to join the handles to the purse.)

Okay - back to Ugly Betty. :)

Monday Mind Dump

I appear to be lapsing back into my working late ways...I was at work until 8pm tonight and last Friday too. Yes, I know. I really need to get a life. At least I'm not working through lunch. And the sad thing is, I tend to really get into a file around 5:30pm, 1/2 hour before I'm scheduled to go home. I lose track of time then and end up working way too late (though working until 8pm really isn't the norm for me). Anyway, I am just hoping not to get sucked back into the depths of the stress cyclone. I do not want to relive January! And I really need to keep on top of my loans so that I don't fall behind when I'm on vacation in April.

That's right. I am taking a vacation. 6 whole consecutive days! (Okay, so two are a weekend, but still!) Woo hoo! Yeah, I obviously need this vacation. Can you tell? Anyway, I'm flying out to Atlanta right before Easter for my godson's Christening (if I'm still to be his godmother...for all I know my friends have changed their minds - I'll find out won't I? At least I'm still invited, so that's good!) and staying until the Tuesday after. It should be fun - I haven't seen these friends since Christmas and I've never been to Atlanta. Okay, that's a lie. I've been through Atlanta - but my stays have always been confined to the airport. (And I'm staying with my friends, who live in Marietta.) So, I'm excited. Yay!

Of course, two days after I booked my flight and dropped my huge wad of cash on the tickets, I decided to tell my Dad about my plans (he asked if anything was going on, so I told him). Come to find out, Dad has about 100,000 frequent flyer miles with United that he needs to use before losing, and he would have gotten me a flight for free. Why didn't I even think to ask him first?? (Okay, here's why - it didn't even cross my mind that he would still have any miles left since he doesn't travel like he used to before he retired. Also, even when he travelled all the time, I always felt like I was being greedy if I asked him to get me a flight for free. If he offered, it was a totally different story.) AND, what was I thinking being all independent and all?

Um, so that being said, anyone want any out of town visitors? Just kidding (unless you live somewhere really awesome...)

My friend Jodie finally had her baby - Cooper Alexander (last name omitted) - on Saint Patrick's Day at about 12:35 am. She ended up having an emergency C-section, and both mother and baby are recovering in the hospital. I'm not sure when the baby is going in for his surgery, but am still offering up my prayers for his health and strength. Keep sending those positive vibes! :)

Not Much to Say

But when has that ever stopped me?

We all had our annual performance reviews today. I have been a bit worried about this ever since my little eruption at work earlier this month. My faith has been somewhat restored in my manager (you know, up to the point where it was before...), as she didn't mention anything regarding that incident in my review. It was a lot more positive than I was expecting. What a relief! It did, however, mention my consistent tardiness. This has always been a problem for me, in all my past jobs. This is the first time it has shown up on one of my reviews though. I guess they are cracking down.

So, yet again, I am resolving to drag myself out of bed (this is really difficult for me, and I don't know if it has anything to do with my anxiety meds or not...but I had problems pre-meds too) early enough to get to work before my official start time, which is currently 9am. My new goal will be to get to work at 8:30am. That way, if I'm 15 minutes late, I'm still there before 9am. I've tried this before though, and slowly worked my way back up to 15 minutes (or so) past 9am. Ack!

And tomorrow, I'm in a training that starts at 9am. That means that if I want my tea before the class begins, I need to be there early! So, tonight I'm setting my cell phone alarm and placing the phone next to my bed. It's harder to ignore and/or snooze through than my regular alarm (which I have been known to sleep through...and hit snooze numerous times, even though it's across the room from the bed and I have to get up and walk to it to hit the button). Wish me luck with this all - I need the support!

And take a peek at my new horoscope avatar on my sidebar. Isn't it cute?

The Party's Over

Well, it was a good weekend - lots of fun with my Aunt, Uncle and cousins. (Though I didn't get to see one of the cousins, since her daughter had the flu and the rest of us preferred not to be exposed.)

Mom and I started out Thursday morning around 10:30am, and made it to Anderson's for some Split Pea soup and onion cheese bread. This stopping for a sit-down meal during a long car trip is kind of new for me. My memories of long trips with the family always include my father's determination to make it to our destination in record time and with a minimum of stops. Mom and I were more relaxed than that, stopping for food and bathroom breaks! (My father will be disappointed by this, I'm sure.) We made it to my Aunt and Uncle's house right before 6pm.

On Friday, my cousin Gabby came over with her youngest daughter (who was an infant the last time I saw her, and is almost 3 now, I think). It was good to see her, and for the first time, I really saw how much she looks like my older sister. My mother has always said that, but I'd never really seen it before. (I don't know why it struck me this time.) Must be the Alteri in her.

After Gabby left, the rest of us (Mom, Uncle Harry, Aunt Mary Lynn and I) headed out antique-ing (is that really a word?) in Ventura. We were checking out all of the cut crystal, trying to identify any Canastota glass (the actual company name is Ideal Glass Company), which was made in my mother's hometown. We were also on the lookout for cool old bottles, as my cousin Amy has started making crystal crosses with the bottles as the base. She's gotten Uncle Harry into this too. And they're really pretty neat - she's been selling them too. We had lunch at Savory before continuing the treasure hunt. I had an excellent turkey sandwich on focaccia (as shown below).
Later that night, we headed over to my cousin Kateri's house for dinner. My cousin Chris and his wife came up as well (they actually live very close to Kateri) - I haven't seen any of these cousins since Chris's wedding 2 years ago. I think we all had a good time. (If the noise level is any indication, it was quite a success!) Kateri made home-made pizza, antipasto and pasta e fagioli, which was all excellent. The spread is below.

It rained most of the day Sunday, but we decided to hit some garage sales anyway (you have never met my Aunt's equal in finding treasures at garage sales!). We headed out to an estate sale, and come to find out, it was Chris Penn's (supposedly) estate. All of the proceeds were to go to Doctors Without Borders. I did have an old appointment book in my hand that I was flipping through, which had phone numbers for "Sean & Eliz" (the seller, who said she was a friend of Penn's mother, said this was probably Sean Penn and Elizabeth McGovern, back when they were living together. She didn't realize the book had anything in it, and decided not to sell, but rather give it to his mother). There were also a few original screenplays, a whole gaggle of books and CDs, and some large leather jackets. I don't know if it all really belonged to Chris Penn or not - I'm guessing some of it may have been the belongings of the seller. I ended up buying Memoirs of a Geisha(which probably did not belong to Chris Penn, but I've been meaning to read it for a while now, and it was only $0.50).

After mass that night, we headed over to Chris & Jen's to see their dog, Bentley. He's a big old boxer (okay, not old at all). He is fascinated by reflections on the cieling and their laser pointer. Too cute! But, like a typical boxer, he seems to think he is much smaller than he is and keeps trying to put himself in people's laps. Their condo is beautiful - I am jealous (and poor!). After leaving their place, it was back to Aunt MaryLynn's for dinner. We relaxed in their living room and watched Firewall (and I crocheted a bit on my new, most ambitious project).

Then today, Mom and I headed back up North. I drove the first leg of the trip - and I don't know how I missed it (Mom didn't see it either), but somehow I ended up on 99 instead of 5. We cut over on 198, but added about 30 odd miles to the trip. I was SO mad at myself! But at least it was going the right direction, and we didn't end up in Mexico or anything. Mom and I were discussing how we need to do this more often. And we do!

So anyway, now I'm back, and have to face work again tomorrow. I am not really looking forward to it, as I've got some loans that will be showing up as expired, and don't know what kind of reaction I'll be getting from the boss. Wish me luck!

Yes Kristin, I do work too much

And it was proven this last Saturday, as I drove in to the office and toiled for 5 1/2 hours to attempt to make a dent in the huge list of loans that I have on my list to review. I felt like I got a lot done on 1 file, which is good. However, I wasn't able to get to any of the other files on my list (and there are a ton), so they continue to loom over me like a thunder cloud of doom. And the whole time I was there, I was completely resenting the fact that I was giving up a good chunk of my weekend for work.

Melodramatic? Maybe. But my workload (and the workload of all of my other co-workers) has been completely unmanageable for the last 10 months. Upper management only seems to be concerned with the numbers and pushing us to meet our deadlines. Unfortunately for us, there is way more work than time in the day. Especially in the past year, when so many new duties have been piled on us - we spend more time filling out reports and spreadsheets than actually reviewing our loans. And the volume of loans that come through our department for review has greatly increased over the last 2 years, with no additional staffing, and additional work duties to boot.

Then last Tuesday, when I asked for 2 days of vacation at the end of next week, the first response I got from the boss was to ask how my pipeline looked. That got to me, as I felt it was implied that I might have to give up my vacation time, which is part of my benefits plan, due to my ridiculous workload (and then at the end of the year the bosses complain that everyone has so much vacation time left!). I was almost in tears at that, because I didn't think that I would get my vacation - my mom and I had been planning to go down to Southern California to visit my aunt and uncle that I haven't seen in 2 years. The boss states she doesn't want us to ask for vacation at the last minute, but I really don't think that 2 weeks in advance (or rather, just under 2 weeks) is last minute. Ideally, our workload shouldn't be so heavy that we can't take a day or 2 once in a while. So, I'm resenting that as well. And since I have about 5 full weeks of vacation this year (since some rolled over from '05), I don't know how I'll be able to take that vacation either, since my pipeline will never be ideal, at this rate.

And if I was a less responsible person, I wouldn't care, and would have no problem letting my loans expire (we have to respond to the issues within a certain amount of time, per our contracts with the investors). But, I put a lot of pressure on myself to finish everything, and consequently I stay late a lot working. Over the past year, it has not been enough. Nothing we (me and my co-workers) is enough. We are working ourselves crazy and management just keeps pushing. So, when my boss starting whining on Friday about how we (me & co-workers) can't leave our loans until the last minute because it takes her a long time to read our recommendations and make the decisions, I had pretty much had it. I snapped at her in defense of us lowly schlepps. I don't even completely remember what I said, but I couldn't stop myself. She was making it sound like we were all sitting around doing nothing all day, when we're actually working ourselves to the bone. She didn't seem to understand why we can't meet our deadlines - when the deadlines aren't the problem. It's the amount of work we have leading up to them.

I am not one to shy away from hard work (physical labor aside). So don't think I'm complaining because I don't have a cushy job. I just can't always take the sneery bitchy attitude of the boss. And I know that she takes a lot of crap from the boss above her (who I used to work directly under, and know has more faces than a deck of cards), and does defend us and our position. But she has to know that when she's overwhelmed, so are the rest of us. If we didn't have so much work, she wouldn't either.

Anyway, she ended up almost in tears, and coming out of her office to tell everyone she's done and do it all without her. The big boss heard the commotion and came out they disappeared for about an hour. I still don't know what they talked about or what came of it, because my direct boss went home right after they came back in. (Her stuff is still in her office, so I don't think she quit.) The boss above her went into her office and continued with work as usual, and never said anything to me. So, I don't know if I'm in trouble or what's going on.

After the "altercation" (which makes it sound worse than it really was), I did get the thumbs up from one co-worker, and two very supporting emails when I got back to my desk. Everyone has been feeling this ridiculous pressure, and a few were happy I had said something and told me they would be 100% behind me if it came down to anything where that would be needed. But I am paranoid, and so I worry about what will happen now. I was in tears at my desk afterwards on Friday. I think the stress and the fact that I snapped like that got to me. It was bound to happen though. And I only spoke to her in the tone that she had been using with me.

One co-worker (who I made the mistake of asking if she thought I was out of line) thinks I should apologize. I don't think I will though. I am not sorry about what I said. I think I will go in to the boss's office tomorrow and talk with her about where I'm coming from, and maybe apologize for how it came about. But everything I said was the truth.

Anyway...wish me luck! (And continued employment!)

So, because of the blowout on Friday, I am a bit paranoid of going in to work tomorrow.