I Hate Technology

Alternate Title:  I Do Not <3 Computers
Alternate Title 2:  How Technology Ruined Both My Day and My Appetite
Alternate Title 3:  Rage Against the Machine

Warning - The following post contains a rant.  The views expressed in this post are solely those of the author during the specific time period of 2:00 PM to 3:27 PM Pacific Standard Time and are subject to change at any given moment.  By continuing to read the post that follows, the reader hereby agrees to hold the author harmless against any damages, perceived or actual, be they physical, mental or otherwise. The author also hereby acknowledges that the actual post that follows this warning statement is likely to be far less entertaining or interesting than the information preceding said post.  Reader acknowledges that she/he has chosen to continue reading at his/her own discretion.

Post:

I am so frustrated right now, I can't even describe it, but I'll try.  I have been working on this project at work for over a month now, with no set deadlines.  It involves a long and complicated series of Excel Spreadsheets in which I have to create mathematical formulas that make sense.  That's the overly simplified version of my task, but any of you that know me know that math is not my strongest subject.  On the upside, I'm getting pretty good at Excel.  On the downside, I am probably going to be totally blind by 40 if I don't learn to look away from the screen to rest my eyes.

That's not the frustrating part.  This morning I received an email that hardened up my deadline to the end of business on 1/28.  I'm not sure the sender realized that the 28th is Saturday, but I was trying to complete this spreadsheet portion of the project this week anyway, and if I need to work through Saturday from home to complete it, I'm not going to complain about the extra 24 hour window (don't tell my bosses that, though). 

That's not the frustrating part, either.  The frustrating part is that what happened next to completely ruin my day is almost certainly my own fault.  I was making great strides on the project this morning, nesting logical tests in my formulas, tightening up the math to really align with the original methodology...I know, blah, blah, blah technical speak, blah.  Whatever - I was making excellent progress on one of the difficult sections that I had hitherto tried to ignore until necessary.  I was determined to finish up that section before emerging from my cozy little office cave (only cozy because the closed door keeps the warmth inside) to heat up my lunch.  Oh, I was so close!!  Almost 2pm, getting hungry, with the end in sight!  Yes, I do normally wait that long before eating lunch - my work schedule is not the norm. 

All was right as rain when I needed to correct a character in one of the long and complicated formula calculations.  I think the computer froze for a second (taunting me, no doubt), and I reached for the back button.  I thought I hit it, but an error message popped up on my screen.  I closed the annoying grey window (duh, I was trying to fix that error), reach for the back button...hit something...

BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH

Okay, there was some rapid window closings before the blue screen hit, with the "Windows is shutting down," message thrown in my face, but still, the effect was the same.

Total despair.  I stare at my keyboard in shock and dismay.  I feel sick. What is that?  Did I hit something by mistake?  Did I save?  Wait...what?  Who?  WHY!?  WHY is the Power key so close to the Back Space key!??  Is this some computer designer giving the finger to every user out there because they think they're better than us?  (Hmm...probably not, but I'm not ruling it out.)  Honestly, I don't know if I hit that Power key or not, since it's quite a reach for my little pinky finger, which makes me wonder.  WTH happened if it wasn't me?

So, the power down may have been my doing, albeit accidental, though I have experienced this type of random shutdown in the past that I know wasn't self-inflicted.  I'm willing to accept possible user error for this...but I don't have to like it.  But that's not even what I'm the most irritated by.  Apparently, in my excel-induced hypnosis, I had neglected to save at each stage of my work this morning.  Knowing the company systems here, I usually save every time something is done right.  Apparently not today.  I know IT can't do anything for me, because they could only retrieve the data from the last save, which is what I already have.

And if it wasn't the Power key, then there is something seriously wrong with this computer.  I really do think this is the case, too.  It does weird things.  I've had my cursor jump to different sections of the page I've been on, without me tabbing or using the mouse.  (No touch pad on my desktop, either, so it wasn't a hovering issue.)  My boss's computer is even worse.  I've told her I think her office is haunted, mostly joking (ghost in the machine, right?).  Maybe it's been taken over by the Judoon and there's an alien in the building (I have some guesses as to who that might be).

Regardless, I thought technology was supposed to make our lives easier!  That is not the case today.  If I'd been doing this project manually, this never would have happened!  (Of course, if I'd been doing this project manually, there are a whole host of other problems that I'd be ranting about, but I digress...)  I was also irrationally angry at the computer.  Well, maybe it was rational.  I really wanted to physically harm this inanimate object - yes, just like in Office Space.  I was having visions of tossing it out the window, but since they don't actually open in this building, and are most likely plexiglass, it only would have bounced back to hurt me.  (I know this computer is intent on causing me harm.)

After confirming that none of my work was saved, I was seriously close to tears.  This was probably not helped by the fact that I hadn't yet eaten.  Close to tears and tensed as if for attack.  I had the old lady pursed up lips and everything.  I had to pop over here to get it out before someone at work tried to speak to me.  That wouldn't have been pretty.

So now I have to attempt to remember and recreate all of my earlier brilliance from the day, which is most likely lost forever.  I'm in a mood, and even though it could have been my fault, I still blame the computer and the poor design of the keyboard (in case that Power key was really depressed).  I mean, really.  Put the freakin' Power key as far away from the keys most commonly used as possible.  Like way over above the number pad or something.  Does anyone really even use that key to shut down the machine?  I never have. 

Phew, that felt rather good.  I have an appetite again.  I am still not happy, but I'm resigned (no - that doesn't mean I quit my job.  I may be feeling rather stupid at the moment, but not that stupid).  I'm still irrationally angry at the computer and resenting the fact that I have to do everything again and wasted an entire half of my work day on unsaved work.  And judging by how this day is going, I will probably end up having to appear for jury duty tomorrow, ensuring that there is no way I can complete my project by my deadline.  (This is a distinct possibility, as I do have a jury summons for tomorrow.)

*As a further example of how technology is apparently out to get me, after I previewed this blog post, the formatting changed completely without me entering any commands.  Technology looks out for itself...

Nerd? Nope. Colossal Dork? Absolutely!

Okay, so I guess the first lesson I learned last night was that one (i.e. me) should not attempt to configure technological devices after 10pm. Thank God for techie-friends! I need to put in a special thank you to Kyle and Kailyn, both of whom stepped up to the plate in record time last night to assist me with my woeful inadequacies!

The second thing I learned was that I'm a dork, as evidenced by the incredibly simple solution that I failed to see, even though it was staring me right in the face. Seriously. As I was attempting to decipher Kyle's advice (he's more technologically advanced than I am), I was so focused on the fact that my existing modem didn't have a second ethernet port that I missed the obvious fact that the new router had 4 extra ports. The detailed instructions that came with the router (completely wordless, only drawings with arrows) did not include an artistic rendering of this situation.

Uh...duh! Hook the ethernet cable from the modem directly into the router, using one of the additional ports, and hook the main cable from the router directly into the computer! How did I miss that? I'm so glad that Kyle and Kailyn responded so fast, or I would have ended up explaining my situation to the tech guys at Staples and I just know they would have made me feel like the biggest fool on the planet. And rightly so...

At least it's figured out now, fully installed and working, too! This is my first blog post written entirely from the cushy comfort of my couch. I've even connected my Literati to the network. Next up, what to do with the connection now that I have it on the Literati. I guess this means I'll have to crack open the user's manual! At least I know it will be written, and not pictorial.

Oh, and before I go, I thought I'd mention the third lesson learned. My cat makes a great armrest between bouts of typing. (That is, when she's not attacking my hands or trying to sit on my neck or keyboard. Yes, she tries to sit across my shoulders and neck when I'm on the couch.)

I'm Not That Nerdy After All

Seriously. I'm as surprised as you are. But it's been proven.

But first, a little background...this Christmas was a veritable technological windfall for me. Just like that Target commercial hinted, I was visited by Electronic Santa Claus. My mother gave me an e-reader, my brother Joe gave me a Garmin Nuvi 255 WT (GPS), my brother Tony gave me a Canon PowerShot S95 digital camera and my father gave me a Toshiba laptop computer. I was not expecting any of these items for Christmas, especially not from either of my brothers.

Needless to say, since I now have the laptop computer and the e-reader, it's about time I got wireless internet access at home. So, with that in mind, I looked up some wireless routers on-line and settled on one that looked like it should work. I even looked up the actual model of my current modem (Siemens Speedstream 4100) to try to figure out what might be compatible with it. I figured I might have an issue when the most recent information I could find was from 2005 (especially considering that I didn't even receive the modem from SBC until 2006). Any information I could find was in techno-geek-speak and made no sense at all to me. So, I checked out the self-help section of my internet provider, AT&T/SBC/Yahoo/Whatever they are calling themselves this week. The modem type I have is not even listed in their options given for upgrading to wireless, yet I got it from them, mind you.

I checked out some more things on line and then went to Staples to pick up a basic, simple and easy to install wireless router. I asked the tech on duty to clarify one of the items listed on the box under system requirements, and he said he didn't know what it meant either and had never seen it or heard of it, and had never run into any installation problems. (The requirement was Broadband Ethernet Internet connection with RJ45 - I still don't know what this means...but I have more of an idea...I know I have broadband ethernet, but what the heck is RJ45? Is that like R2D2 or C3PO?) I verified with tech-boy that I could bring the product back even if opened (he said within 14 days as long as I have the receipt) and then took the plunge.

Fast forward to home. I take the router out of the box and it looks simple enough. Plug into wall socket, plug into ethernet port on modem, insert CD start-up disk and go. I found a spot to place the router, shuffled cords around in order to fit in the elongated wall plug, and then took the ethernet cable to the modem. Wait... there should be another ethernet port here... Oh crap! Is that what the RJ45 is? (I still don't know, really!) That's right, my modem is so old and archaic that it only has two ports total. One for the the phone line, one for the ethernet cable to the main computer.

Looks like I'm headed back to Staples tomorrow. And it had better be easy.

Poop.

DSL at Last

Okay - I've finally jumped into the 21st century! I ordered my new DSL account the day I set up my new computer. The router and activation materials arrived at my door yesterday with an activation date of today. So today, I finally was able to set it all up. And amazingly, it's working! (Yay me!) Of course, there are only 2 phone jacks in my apartment, and neither one is close to the computer, so the data cable is running directly across the entrance to the spare room and is definitely a hazard...for the time being. Because the data cable wasn't quite long enough, I had to drape the power cord across the spare room threshold and the router/modem is actually sitting on a folding stepstool in the middle of the room. Classy, huh?

And although I've noticed that the speed of my connection is faster, I've also noticed that I'm still not able to view some of the objects on certain pages (for example, my own photo in the profile section of my blog page!), which is annoying. But, I'm still messing around on here. Hopefully that will resolve itself.

My next move is to cancel AOL...which I have heard is nigh on impossible. That should be fun. (They roped my father into 3 free months, which he didn't even want, and then charged him after the 3 months was up, stating he hadn't cancelled. So, I'm wary about this.)

Tomorrow, I am going to the Titanic exhibit in San Francisco. I've wanted to do this for a while and have finally been able to coordinate it with a few friends. I think it will be neat.

And, since I may not be on here much during the weekend, I'll leave you all with this hilarious little video clip that I lifted from Dagny's blog. (The funny part of this is that I think my father will appreciate this perverse little clip the most!) I had to view this at work (and probably shouldn't have) because my old speakers do not work with my new computer. Watch and be amused. (It's "A Special Christmas Box.")