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Friday, July 18, 2008

True Story...

I worked from home today, making Gracie one very happy kitty. Given my schedule of freedom for the day, I decided to take a walk around to the shopping center and swing back to the mailbox to get mail and reload my laundry card (no need to hoard all the quarters now - isn't technology nifty?)

So, I'm walking back from the mailboxes, icy delicious Starbucks latte in hand, and this dude is sitting outside of his apartment and says hello - okay, neighbors being friendly…so I say hello.

Then he keeps talking. "Do you live here?"

Um, isn't it obvious? I've got a huge handful of mail and I'm cutting across the parking lot…"Yes."

"Cool, how long have you lived here?"

Oh God, why did I stop walking? "8 years."

"8 years, wow."

Then he proceeds to tell me that the complex is trying to kick him out for no reason, and he's a good guy that mostly keeps to himself, and asks if I'm willing to sign a petition to let him stay. So, naturally, I am thinking to myself that he probably doesn't pay his rent on time, or the neighbors complain all the time, or he's dealing drugs from his kitchen, or something…and I really don't want to sign his "petition," which is crudely drawn up on an envelope, of all things.

Then randomly, "You have pretty eyes…and pretty hair. And a pretty shirt. I like butterflies. What's your name? Oh, my first crush was on a Tami, in 4th grade. Actually, she had a bigger crush on me." (Just to clarify, my shirt does have butterflies on it today, or I would have started running right then...of course, his mention of the butterflies implies that he was looking at my chest.)

And...He must have changed A LOT from 4th grade, because now I am really uncomfortable and divert his attention to the kitten crawling up under his back fender.

"Oh, that's booboo. I'm a Yogi. Do you do yoga?" Oh my, is this dude on something? He looks like he has chewing tobacco between his teeth, which doesn't strike me as very yoga-y, and neither does his physique. So, basically, to get away, I sign my first name only on the "petition" because I don't want the complex managers to know which resident signed (and of course, by the looks of his shoddy document, I don't think they will take him seriously, which I almost told him, but didn't, because I just wanted to get back to my apartment).

So, after my hasty signing, I tell him I'm working from home today and really need to get back.

"Hey, wait. I want to give you something," he says as he runs into his apartment. I am a bit leery now… So he comes back with a Yoga DVD and tells me it's great, and it's perfect for me because I work from home and it's in 10 minute segments. Gee, thanks…okay… I did say thank you, and left him to accost the next unwitting resident to pass by. I left the DVD in the laundry room…maybe someone else will want it. It had some sort of milky splotch staining the front cover. It looks like wax, so I'm telling myself that's what it was! I proceeded to wash my hands really well (he also insisted on shaking my hand, though he had an open cut on his index finger that I deftly avoided) before touching my laundry!

So, now I'm wondering the real reason management wants him out. And I really didn't want to sign the petition, because for all I know he's a criminal in hiding, and that's why he keeps to himself!! More likely, his lease was up and they lined up renters that would pay a higher rental amount. But still...



Moriah said...

wow, that is weird!

Joie said...

Wow aren't you lucky? Prince Charming right there in your very own complex!!!

I am so sorry...
From one freak magnet to another, I feel your pain.

Here's hoping the complex boots his butt soon before you get stuck running into him again and he asks for his DVD back

cait said...

OMG- Jpie I am totally cracking up at your comments!!!!!!!!!! Thanks 4the chuckle gals-I needed it real bad.

Kerri said...

We always get the freak jobs!

Orelinde_03 said...

What and you didn't ask him out for a drink? I can't believe you let 'Mr. Wonderful' get away.

Creepy men who seem to take in all kinds of details (i.e. butterflies onshirt) and comment on pretty hair, etc. remind me of a serial killer, such as Silance Of The Lambs variety.

I hope you didn't let him see which area of the complex you live in? Or that you made sure you were able to get out of the laundry room, should he have decided to visit you there?

Be careful momma!