Kitchen Nightmares

I swear that if anyone decided to film my life for a reality show, I'd end up being portrayed as completely inept, dimwitted, and comically clumsy.  Really, these oddball occurrences only happen once in a while, but it does seem like I've been extra-blessed in the kitchen catastrophe department over the past few weeks.  Here's some of the wacko things that I'm talking about:

1)  I had a can of refried beans fall on my head a few weeks ago while rummaging around in a cabinet.   The can was on the counter over the cabinet where I keep my casserole dishes and tupperware.  My cat had been getting up on the counter and I think she must have nudged the can to the edge during one of her forays, because I can think of no other explanation for how that can could have possibly fallen on my head.  Other than poltergeists, and I really don't want to think about those in my apartment.  I also don't know how the can could have been perched that precariously on the edge of the counter without my noticing it.  Regardless of how it happened, it hurt like nobody's business!  The very bottom edge hit me right above my hairline and I did have a little bump from it.  Luckily, it didn't fall far before impact.

2)  I burned myself pulling a dish of homemade macaroni and cheese out of the oven.  Not the brightest, but also the most normal of my incidents.

3)  Last weekend I managed to burn myself while doing the dishes.  The tap water from the hot side has been scalding hot lately, which I knew when I started the dishes that day.  I must have had a lapse, though. While moving a pan under the stream I wasn't careful enough and ended up burning my wrist right under the thumb.  It hurt bad enough that I felt it through my whole body, stamped my foot on the floor and swore.  (Sorry Mom.  It happens.)  It was hot enough that it was a bit red and warm to the touch for the rest of the day (it looked like a mild sunburn, but didn't last long).  Right after it happened, I was so mad that I tested the water temperature with a meat thermometer held in the stream of running water.  150 degrees (beef, medium rare).  I had been meaning to report the temperature of the water to the apartment complex office for a while, but the burn prompted an actual irate call.  I also reported the broken garbage disposal, since I had to leave a message anyway.  Next day, the hot water is merely hot again, without being hot enough to physically endanger the young, elderly, or simple-minded.  The garbage disposal is still broken, but the drain is clear again.

4)  Yesterday, I had another dish washing incident.  I received a vegetable slicer for Christmas, and was cleaning the components for the first use.  I was planning to make scalloped potatoes with a giant sweet potato that I found at the store.  All necessary parts were washed, and I had taken special care not to come in contact with the extra sharp slicing blade (it ate up my poor sponge).  I was drying everything on my flour sack towel and made one last and nearly fatal (by which I mean not really even close to fatal, but not very bright) swipe with the towel, catching my middle fingertip right in the blade.  Amazingly, there was no blood on the towel.  But that sucker bled like a mother.  The cut wasn't that deep - maybe a millimeter - but it seemed like it bled forever.  And each time I thought it was finished, it started up again.  Then of course I started thinking too hard about it (Do I need stitches?  Should I see a doctor?  How clean is that towel?  What if it gets infected?).  I had to lie down and look away from it for a few minutes, to stop myself from giving in to the irrational panic and because I was feeling a bit faint.  Then, as I was getting myself a bandaid to keep myself from looking at the wound, and to keep from bleeding all over the place, I made the mistake of trying to assess the damage and started to feel faint/queasy again and had to lie down.  Did I mention that I hadn't eaten yet either?  That probably didn't help.  Anyway, I was so irritated at the slicer (and myself for being a dork) that I nixed the potato idea and moved on to something simpler and faster.

5)  Today, less actual physical damage to myself...but it did involve that vegetable slicer.  I decided not to hold a grudge against an inanimate object due to my own carelessness, and was preparing the scalloped potato recipe.  The white sauce was completed on the stove waiting for the potatoes to be layered in the pan.  I had already re-washed the blade component, without touching it, and didn't bother drying it.  I popped it into the top of the slicer and started slicing up the humongous sweet potato. This slicer has a container attached to catch the sliced veggies, and I was holding it in my hand instead of using it on the countertop.  Naturally, the whole slicer somehow catapulted out of my hands, crashing to the floor and distributing an even layer of perfectly sliced potato disks across the tiles.  I managed to keep a nice tight grip on the potato, though, and hadn't sliced more than 1/4 of it before dropping the container.  So, all was not lost.  Of course, it delayed my recipe prep and the white sauce ended up thicker than ideal, since it was sitting on the stove during this time and the aftermath.  I had to spread it over the potatoes instead of simply pouring it, as called for in the recipe.  The sweet potato produced enough liquid during cooking that it didn't seem to make a difference though.

Cut to my reality show after the inevitable editing process, and it goes something like the following scene from Frasier, only without the dating or the ironing:

What's Cooking

In conjunction with my new resolve to stick to my diet (which I was on for 2 successful weeks before Christmas, and then conveniently forgot existed until after the new year), I've been on a cooking kick. Laura is partly to blame for this, too, since she posted the recipe for this split pea soup on her blog. She found it on Epicurious. Instead of the linguica or andouille sausage that the recipe calls for, I used Italian sausage (I tend to like it better than other types). It also calls for kale, which I'm 99.99% positive that I have never purchased nor cooked with before. It also always reminds me of that episode of Cheers where Woody does the commercial for Veggie Boy (they start talking about the kale 1 minute and 7 seconds into the clip).

Despite the color in the photo, I'm pretty sure this isn't radioactive.

The soup was surprisingly delicious! I was worried that it might be bland because there are so few ingredients. It's not. I think cooking the peas with the sausages infuses the broth with a lot of their flavor. I think I'm going to have to make this soup one of my staples, since it gives me an excuse to pull out my immersion mixer and the pureed peas did not trigger my IBS like the canned split pea soups that I enjoy(ed). It also cooks up really quickly.

Later in the week I decided that it was high time I put my crockpot to use again. I found this recipe for French Chicken Stew that I thought I needed to try. So I did. I prepped all of the ingredients the night before, threw them in the pot, then stuck it all in the fridge. Before leaving for work, I placed the crock into the base and turned that sucker on. I almost forgot to plug it in, but averted disaster by realizing that the cord in the outlet behind it belonged to a different appliance. Remember that I was doing this before I had any coffee...

After a long day at work, during which I kept noticing that my hands STILL smelled like the onions I had chopped the night before, I finally made it home and was greeted at the door by the succulent aroma wafting from my kitchen. And my cat. (Clarification - she greeted me, not her odor, which is anything but succulent).

This greeted me when I came home. Hi chicken!

After a long day at work, during which I kept noticing that my hands STILL smelled like the onions I had chopped the night before, I finally made it home and was greeted at the door by the succulent aroma wafting from my kitchen. And my cat. (Clarification - she greeted me, not her odor). All I had to do with stir in the jar of pasta sauce and enjoy. This was really good, and different from the stews that I usually throw together in my crock pot.

I'll make this again, but I will use a different pasta sauce to stir in at the end. I think that the one I used overpowered the herbs that are used during the slow cooking process. I also couldn't used bone-in thighs and simply removed the skins at home. The bone-in thighs also keep the chicken together (mostly) when portioning this out into servings (important for me when I'm actually tracking my Weight Wacthers points - this came out to a Points Plus value of 5, based on 6 servings, since my 2lbs of chicken was only 6 thighs). The meat falls right off of the bone though, so it's easy to remove it before eating.

It photographs well, too, doesn't it? This is after adding the tomato sauce.

Speaking of removing the bones, I did so and tossed them into the trash can. The next day, I come home from work to see my trash can laying on it's side on the kitchen floor, spilling trash onto the tiles. Just past the rim of the can was a chicken bone missing one end, with the marrow exposed. I didn't bite the end of that bone off, kitty, or knock that trash can over, so you've got some explaining to do! Luckily, I had emptied the trash just before I started making the stew, so there wasn't much in it, and not much to clean up. Regardless, I didn't expect my cat to forage through my garbage.

Blood-Sucking, High-Hopping Freaks

(Alternate Title = "Banished!")

No, this is not a post about True Blood, Twilight, or any other vampires...per se...

Somehow, my indoor cat ended up with fleas. It's probably my fault for letting her out on the balcony occasionally, but maybe I can still blame the downstairs neighbors' little rat-dog (who is actually pretty darned cute). Of course, since fleas jump 5-6 ft, and I actually do leave my house from time to time, I might have brought these pesky suckers (literally) home myself.

I didn't have a clue that the cat had fleas until the other day, when I was reading an article about the recent increase in bedbugs across the US. Looking at the photos of the bites shown online, I thought maybe that's what was wrong with my face, which I just thought had been breaking out semi-subtly. While checking the head of the bed (where my cat tends to sleep near/on or around my head and face) for signs of bed bug invasion, I noticed something I hadn't seen since my old cat Merlyn...disgusting flea dirt! I'm actually glad it wasn't bed bugs, because they seem near impossible to get rid of.

After stripping and washing the bed linens, followed with a nice hot spin in the dryer (for the linens, not me), I banished the cat from the bedroom for the time being. I picked up a flea & tick comb and gave Gracie a good once (or 15-time) over, and yes, did rid some actual fleas from her, as well as their leavings. Poor kitty! I was amazed that she actually let me do it. Usually she starts attacking any brushes/combs on the third or fourth stroke.

I went to vacuum and found that my 5yr old cleaner wasn't having it. It now sucks up most of the dirt/debris/cat litter off of the carpet, then redeposits it in a tidy little stripe of concentrated crap in it's wake. Instead of figuring out where to take it for repair, and how much it would cost me (the vacuum was a gift, so it was free) I decided to run out and buy a cheap, well-rated vacuum to use for the infestation, and if it doesn't last long, at least it was cheap!

I don't like using harsh chemicals in my house, and really don't want to use spot treatments, bug bombs or even a flea collar on Gracie. Considering the warnings online and even on all of the packaging, which simply makes me think of Happy Fun Ball (do not taunt the flea collar), I would prefer to fight these little suckers in the most natural way possible. I did buy a flea collar, because I read somewhere that if you put a piece of one in your vacuum bag, it will keep the eggs from hatching. I haven't used it yet though, since I don't know if it would just blow the chemical residue into the air.

Ugh. Any suggestions? I'm thinking about using food grade diatomaceous earth in the carpet and upholstery, but will probably have to buy it online. For now, I'm off to comb the vermin out of the cat's fur...

Random Bits

I may have been imagining things, or perhaps experiencing a sleep to waking hallucination, but I could swear that my cat Gracie looked up at me and winked this morning. You know, with one eye… Maybe she knows something I don't?

I worked from home today, which Gracie seems to enjoy, since she gets all this extra attention from me. You know, I think she thinks it's a game to complete an obstacle course over my open file and lap…Jump on lap, from lap to writing area directly over moving pen in my hand, back to floor by my hand. Repeat. A lot.

Around 3pm today, I started hearing what sounded like very bad drumming, or even worse guitar strumming. I was convinced it was one of the downstairs neighbors messing around, and thought to myself that it wouldn't be annoying if they were any good…then I opened the back door to check on where it was coming from and realized that it was actually the high school marching band practicing. Gracing wandered out on the balcony in the light drizzle, intrigued. With the door open it didn't sound so bad, but it was way too cold out today to leave it open. The noise was distracting, so I decided it was time to use my iPod… I hope my bad singing along didn't bother my neighbors...

Now she's smiling! And searching for the band...

Later, there will be some actual honest-to-goodness baking going on. Yes, in my apartment even. We're having yet another pot-luck tomorrow at work, with a breakfast theme. I found a recipe in an old Weight Watcher's cookbook for Pumpkin-Apple Bread, so thought I'd try it out. Don't worry, the cookbook is recent enough that it's a normal recipe without anything weird in it…like the old WW cookbooks my mother had. I'm still trying to decide between a loaf and mini-muffins though. I had most of the ingredients on hand, so only needed to run out and pick up a few things at lunch today (like buttermilk and eggs), and was actually motivated to start when I got home. (The kitchen is actually really clean and organized right now, thanks to my mother's weekend visit and our collaborative efforts - what a difference it makes!) But, work got in the way…does it count as a work-related duty to bake for the departmental pot-luck?

If the recipe is any good, I'll share it in the recipe blog. I haven't posted there in forever, and it's about time!

Lights! Camera! Lint Roller!!

So, my little diva kitty just had to be a part of the action. After I had used the lint roller on the base for my newest creation, positioned the lights, lined up my shot and made sure Gracie was a safe distance away, I clicked and got this:

"I'm all ready for my close-up, why are you pointing the camera over there?? " AKA - attack of the huge fuzz-monster.

Really, I probably would've gotten more of her in the shot, but the camera moved when I started yelling and lunged forward to remove her before she could start biting the necklace. So, to placate the drama queen, I corrected my grievous error and took this shot next:

I've lost interest. Catch me after my beauty rest.

I'm just happy that her eyes are somewhat open in this one. The anti-red eye must have caught her off guard.

My Very Own Personal Hero

I’ve been working on the jewelry thing lately and have noticed that my cat is mesmerized by beading wire and pearls. I’m using a bead board to lay out some of my designs before stringing them, and this usually ends up on my lap as I work. So does the cat. This has posed a bit of a problem, as she is not content to sit idly by admiring my handiwork.

Nope, not my Gracie. The freshwater pearls shining in the lamplight appear to her as unwilling prey attempting to escape their confines (that would be the indented necklace track). The reflection off of that perfectly faceted Swarovski crystal? The shining eye of the victim, glistening with a tear of defeat! As she crouches to pounce, she thinks to herself, “Must…save…Mommy! The marauding army of evil baubles is quickly advancing!”

Aren’t I lucky to have such a protective hero in my household? God forbid the nylon coated steel coil of beading wire be allowed to hang over the side of the bead board, or dangle from my busy hands, swinging its tail mockingly in Gracie’s face. Better get it before it gets you! Muahahahaha…

Um, anyway, I find myself repeatedly removing the cat from my side/lap/face/couch while beading. She did pounce on a roving pearl last night, overturning numerous beads and gemstones onto my lap, couch and floor. Then she chased what had fallen to the floor. I’m still missing one Swarovski crystal, and am waiting to see it winking up at me from the litter box (in which case I will take the loss and let it lay). I’ve also caught her gnawing at the beading wire, which I don’t think she could cut with her teeth and swallow, but is left all up all kinked from the biting so it will no longer lay quite flat after the attack. I’m sure this is all quite fun for her. As for me...well, I've been picking seed beads out of the carpeting. Enough said.

Meow

Who knew? Gracie is a camera ham... Now, how come when I am attempting to take a shot of her, she is turned away or blinky, but I'm trying to take a shot of me using my self-timer, she's up front and (off) center?