I have a hidden talent. I think it's hereditary, because my brothers and my mother seem to have it to. This talent will really never get me anywhere in life, but it comes in handy while watching Psych and during trivia games.
What's this talent I possess? The uncanny ability to recall obscure and bizarre scenes from old television episodes and commercials.
I told you it wasn't going to get me anywhere.
What brought on this revelation? This new Verizon commercial:
Clever? Maybe. Original? Oh, I think not...
Here's where my talent comes in. Immediately upon seeing this ad (hearing it really, I was in the other room listening to the tv while making dinner), I flashed back to an old Saturday Night Live commercial spoof for Bad Idea Jeans. (I can't embed the link because it's not on YouTube, but go watch it, I'll wait.)
After finding the Verizon commercial and watching it in full (before I posted it here), I saw that the two were even more similar than I had originally thought. I suppose that's one way to save money on marketing...I wonder if SNL or the original writer got any credit for this idea.
Of course, my real takeaway? I miss Phil Hartman.
Showing posts with label TV. Show all posts
Showing posts with label TV. Show all posts
Monday, March 26, 2012
Friday, February 24, 2012
Kitchen Nightmares
I swear that if anyone decided to film my life for a reality show, I'd end up being portrayed as completely inept, dimwitted, and comically clumsy. Really, these oddball occurrences only happen once in a while, but it does seem like I've been extra-blessed in the kitchen catastrophe department over the past few weeks. Here's some of the wacko things that I'm talking about:
1) I had a can of refried beans fall on my head a few weeks ago while rummaging around in a cabinet. The can was on the counter over the cabinet where I keep my casserole dishes and tupperware. My cat had been getting up on the counter and I think she must have nudged the can to the edge during one of her forays, because I can think of no other explanation for how that can could have possibly fallen on my head. Other than poltergeists, and I really don't want to think about those in my apartment. I also don't know how the can could have been perched that precariously on the edge of the counter without my noticing it. Regardless of how it happened, it hurt like nobody's business! The very bottom edge hit me right above my hairline and I did have a little bump from it. Luckily, it didn't fall far before impact.
2) I burned myself pulling a dish of homemade macaroni and cheese out of the oven. Not the brightest, but also the most normal of my incidents.
3) Last weekend I managed to burn myself while doing the dishes. The tap water from the hot side has been scalding hot lately, which I knew when I started the dishes that day. I must have had a lapse, though. While moving a pan under the stream I wasn't careful enough and ended up burning my wrist right under the thumb. It hurt bad enough that I felt it through my whole body, stamped my foot on the floor and swore. (Sorry Mom. It happens.) It was hot enough that it was a bit red and warm to the touch for the rest of the day (it looked like a mild sunburn, but didn't last long). Right after it happened, I was so mad that I tested the water temperature with a meat thermometer held in the stream of running water. 150 degrees (beef, medium rare). I had been meaning to report the temperature of the water to the apartment complex office for a while, but the burn prompted an actual irate call. I also reported the broken garbage disposal, since I had to leave a message anyway. Next day, the hot water is merely hot again, without being hot enough to physically endanger the young, elderly, or simple-minded. The garbage disposal is still broken, but the drain is clear again.
4) Yesterday, I had another dish washing incident. I received a vegetable slicer for Christmas, and was cleaning the components for the first use. I was planning to make scalloped potatoes with a giant sweet potato that I found at the store. All necessary parts were washed, and I had taken special care not to come in contact with the extra sharp slicing blade (it ate up my poor sponge). I was drying everything on my flour sack towel and made one last and nearly fatal (by which I mean not really even close to fatal, but not very bright) swipe with the towel, catching my middle fingertip right in the blade. Amazingly, there was no blood on the towel. But that sucker bled like a mother. The cut wasn't that deep - maybe a millimeter - but it seemed like it bled forever. And each time I thought it was finished, it started up again. Then of course I started thinking too hard about it (Do I need stitches? Should I see a doctor? How clean is that towel? What if it gets infected?). I had to lie down and look away from it for a few minutes, to stop myself from giving in to the irrational panic and because I was feeling a bit faint. Then, as I was getting myself a bandaid to keep myself from looking at the wound, and to keep from bleeding all over the place, I made the mistake of trying to assess the damage and started to feel faint/queasy again and had to lie down. Did I mention that I hadn't eaten yet either? That probably didn't help. Anyway, I was so irritated at the slicer (and myself for being a dork) that I nixed the potato idea and moved on to something simpler and faster.
5) Today, less actual physical damage to myself...but it did involve that vegetable slicer. I decided not to hold a grudge against an inanimate object due to my own carelessness, and was preparing the scalloped potato recipe. The white sauce was completed on the stove waiting for the potatoes to be layered in the pan. I had already re-washed the blade component, without touching it, and didn't bother drying it. I popped it into the top of the slicer and started slicing up the humongous sweet potato. This slicer has a container attached to catch the sliced veggies, and I was holding it in my hand instead of using it on the countertop. Naturally, the whole slicer somehow catapulted out of my hands, crashing to the floor and distributing an even layer of perfectly sliced potato disks across the tiles. I managed to keep a nice tight grip on the potato, though, and hadn't sliced more than 1/4 of it before dropping the container. So, all was not lost. Of course, it delayed my recipe prep and the white sauce ended up thicker than ideal, since it was sitting on the stove during this time and the aftermath. I had to spread it over the potatoes instead of simply pouring it, as called for in the recipe. The sweet potato produced enough liquid during cooking that it didn't seem to make a difference though.
Cut to my reality show after the inevitable editing process, and it goes something like the following scene from Frasier, only without the dating or the ironing:
1) I had a can of refried beans fall on my head a few weeks ago while rummaging around in a cabinet. The can was on the counter over the cabinet where I keep my casserole dishes and tupperware. My cat had been getting up on the counter and I think she must have nudged the can to the edge during one of her forays, because I can think of no other explanation for how that can could have possibly fallen on my head. Other than poltergeists, and I really don't want to think about those in my apartment. I also don't know how the can could have been perched that precariously on the edge of the counter without my noticing it. Regardless of how it happened, it hurt like nobody's business! The very bottom edge hit me right above my hairline and I did have a little bump from it. Luckily, it didn't fall far before impact.
2) I burned myself pulling a dish of homemade macaroni and cheese out of the oven. Not the brightest, but also the most normal of my incidents.
3) Last weekend I managed to burn myself while doing the dishes. The tap water from the hot side has been scalding hot lately, which I knew when I started the dishes that day. I must have had a lapse, though. While moving a pan under the stream I wasn't careful enough and ended up burning my wrist right under the thumb. It hurt bad enough that I felt it through my whole body, stamped my foot on the floor and swore. (Sorry Mom. It happens.) It was hot enough that it was a bit red and warm to the touch for the rest of the day (it looked like a mild sunburn, but didn't last long). Right after it happened, I was so mad that I tested the water temperature with a meat thermometer held in the stream of running water. 150 degrees (beef, medium rare). I had been meaning to report the temperature of the water to the apartment complex office for a while, but the burn prompted an actual irate call. I also reported the broken garbage disposal, since I had to leave a message anyway. Next day, the hot water is merely hot again, without being hot enough to physically endanger the young, elderly, or simple-minded. The garbage disposal is still broken, but the drain is clear again.
4) Yesterday, I had another dish washing incident. I received a vegetable slicer for Christmas, and was cleaning the components for the first use. I was planning to make scalloped potatoes with a giant sweet potato that I found at the store. All necessary parts were washed, and I had taken special care not to come in contact with the extra sharp slicing blade (it ate up my poor sponge). I was drying everything on my flour sack towel and made one last and nearly fatal (by which I mean not really even close to fatal, but not very bright) swipe with the towel, catching my middle fingertip right in the blade. Amazingly, there was no blood on the towel. But that sucker bled like a mother. The cut wasn't that deep - maybe a millimeter - but it seemed like it bled forever. And each time I thought it was finished, it started up again. Then of course I started thinking too hard about it (Do I need stitches? Should I see a doctor? How clean is that towel? What if it gets infected?). I had to lie down and look away from it for a few minutes, to stop myself from giving in to the irrational panic and because I was feeling a bit faint. Then, as I was getting myself a bandaid to keep myself from looking at the wound, and to keep from bleeding all over the place, I made the mistake of trying to assess the damage and started to feel faint/queasy again and had to lie down. Did I mention that I hadn't eaten yet either? That probably didn't help. Anyway, I was so irritated at the slicer (and myself for being a dork) that I nixed the potato idea and moved on to something simpler and faster.
5) Today, less actual physical damage to myself...but it did involve that vegetable slicer. I decided not to hold a grudge against an inanimate object due to my own carelessness, and was preparing the scalloped potato recipe. The white sauce was completed on the stove waiting for the potatoes to be layered in the pan. I had already re-washed the blade component, without touching it, and didn't bother drying it. I popped it into the top of the slicer and started slicing up the humongous sweet potato. This slicer has a container attached to catch the sliced veggies, and I was holding it in my hand instead of using it on the countertop. Naturally, the whole slicer somehow catapulted out of my hands, crashing to the floor and distributing an even layer of perfectly sliced potato disks across the tiles. I managed to keep a nice tight grip on the potato, though, and hadn't sliced more than 1/4 of it before dropping the container. So, all was not lost. Of course, it delayed my recipe prep and the white sauce ended up thicker than ideal, since it was sitting on the stove during this time and the aftermath. I had to spread it over the potatoes instead of simply pouring it, as called for in the recipe. The sweet potato produced enough liquid during cooking that it didn't seem to make a difference though.
Cut to my reality show after the inevitable editing process, and it goes something like the following scene from Frasier, only without the dating or the ironing:
Sunday, September 26, 2010
A Few Random Questions and Comments
I went to the grocery store tonight and purchased 11 items. After the cashier at the 15-items or less checkout line finished ringing up my purchases, I somehow ended up with 4 separate bags. Does that seem disproportional and/or wasteful to anyone else?
If my freezer door has that rubberized seal around it's perimeter to keep all of the cold air in, then how did all of those ants manage to cross the threshold in order to die inside? I'll spare you the photo that I somehow talked myself out of taking. But, yes, the ants have invaded.
Just how much do the couples that appear on Bridezillas get paid? And - how much of it is staged? I have a hard time imagining anything that could be considered enough compensation for me to consent to a TV show portraying me in the worst, most selfish light possible. The website states that the brides will be generously compensated. But what about everyone else involved in their wedding that ends up looking crazy on national television?
I received a $75 gift certificate to Amazon for my birthday (thanks Dad & AM!). Now, what do I spend it on? True Blood seasons or yarn/craft supplies? I'm torn!
Why does the thought of developing jowls as I age freak me out? Seriously, it is what I fear the most about aging. I guess I am more vain than I thought!
Random Commentary - I am so happy that Undercover Boss is back on TV. What a great show!
Final Comment - I've given up on the natural flea control attempts and am going to give Gracie her first spot-on treatment tonight. I am tired of the constant vigilance and of Gracie's physical attacks that signal the end of our nightly flea-combing session. My arms can't take any more abuse! And poor Gracie must still be getting bitten, too.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Sucked In
You may have noticed that I didn't blog much last week. My explanation? I got sucked into True Blood, Season 1. I had toyed with the idea of downloading the series from iTunes, but wasn't sure if it would be too gory for me, and didn't want to cough up the cash and then not be able to even get through an episode. I have read most of the books (I still need to read the last 2...), and they are fun stuff.
Since I don't get HBO, I had reserved the complete series at the library months ago, and it was finally available and ready for me on Wednesday (a good day - out of work early for a doctor's appointment that went well, True Blood showed up and I got 20% off of my take out Thai Food - downside was the pound I gained at WW).
So, I watched all 12 (not enough) True Blood episodes over 5 days. I'm sure I would have finished them all sooner, but I had to show up for work during the week, and I did some volunteer work on Saturday. And it does have a lot of blood, but I rarely had to look away. I'd say it's probably on a par (gore-wise) with Gray's Anatomy, which I have to look away from sometimes, too.
I was pleasantly surprised with how humorous and relatively light the show is. I'm glad it's not overly dark and melodramatic. Now I may have to go back and re-read the first few books, since there were things I just don't remember (which may or may not actually be in the books...but again, I just can't remember). Oh yeah, and I love TV Sam, even though he is a little over-jealous. TV Bill leaves something to be desired... And speaking of desire, I was not expecting all the sex on this show. I don't think there's quite as much in the books, but then, that's probably why it's on HBO and not NBC. Not that I'm complaining...
I went ahead and reserved the second season from the library, but I won't get it nearly soon enough. As of yesterday afternoon, I was number 202 in line on the holds list. They have 14 copies in circulation in my library system...so, it'll be a while. Unless of course anyone wants to donate. Anyone?
In the meantime, I think I'll re-watch the series at least once before I return it to the library. I'm going to see how it is with the commentary turned on.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
The Head!!
I'm really not that into Halloween this year, which is abnormal for me. I think it's because we're not making a big production out of it at work this year (you know, since there are pretty much no other departments still operating). I don't have any plans this year, and no costume. Though it's possible that some people from work may go out tomorrow. We'll see if that happens though.
Anyway, in the spirit of Halloween, I'll thought I'd share a little tidbit of my childhood.
Although I wasn't the youngest of the 4 kids in my family, I was often the victim of the others, who liked to gang up on me from time to time. So, when I (and my siblings) discovered something that terrified the youngest, I went with it for as long as I could. Of course, now I realize that my youngest brother was probably 5 at the time, and that we may have traumatized him for life...but now that he's 26, I can pull this on him with little to no guilt.
Although I wasn't the youngest of the 4 kids in my family, I was often the victim of the others, who liked to gang up on me from time to time. So, when I (and my siblings) discovered something that terrified the youngest, I went with it for as long as I could. Of course, now I realize that my youngest brother was probably 5 at the time, and that we may have traumatized him for life...but now that he's 26, I can pull this on him with little to no guilt.
So, I think this all came about after Creepshow was on HBO. I believe it all started when my older sister (who was probably 13 or 14 at the time, and likely was the only one who saw the movie) was trying to scare us all by retelling the stories from the movie. I have no doubt that we were all hanging on her every word. So, she's retelling the "Father's Day" segment, where the dead father says, "I want my cake." (Or something like that.) She did a creepy voice, and it freaked out Tony, the youngest. Somehow, and I can't for the life of me remember how, we figured out that Tony got really scared when we all pointed to the floor in the middle of the room and intoned, "the head...THE HEAD!!"
To this day, it freaks him out. And yes, I test it periodically, because that is how mature I am now that I'm 32.
Anyway, in keeping with the theme of "The Head," I bring you this:
my newest acquisition
Actually, this purchase had nothing to do with Halloween (much to the disappointment of the sales guy at the craft store checkout, who asked what I was planning to do with it. I couldn't think of a good story, so I told the truth). I'm going to use this to display my hats and possibly scarves, so I don't have to struggle to take semi-non-hideous self-portraits anymore.
Nameless head modeling my newest hat creationI am tempted to add some color to the blank/naked face, but am afraid I will ruin it and make it garish (or more creepy than it already is). I do think I should give it a name though. Anyone want to name that head?
Ella sin nombre modeling Ava. Doesn't she look demure? Pretty impressive "bone" structure, for styrofoam pellets.
Happy Halloween Everyone!
That being said, I'm off to make Christmas cards while watching the rest of Reaper.
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
Still Wondering
Well, she hasn't called me yet, so I still have no clue... But, I could have called her and didn't.
I updated my sidebar with an Etsy Mini. So, if anyone is interested, it will be showcasing my four most recently listed items. I'm hoping to start adding things more often, but it all depends on my schedule, creativity levels (not always stable) and craft budget (not always adhered to...).
Anyway, I don't really have too much to say. I went to my stepbrother's wedding last Saturday, and had taken a half day at work on Friday to drive up to my Mom's to help with the rehearsal dinner. Traffic was not on my side. I got there about an hour before the wedding party was supposed to arrive. (Oh, if you're wondering, the rehearsal dinner was at my mother's house, with the meal prepared by a family friend.) I never got a chance to change into the outfit I was planning on wearing, which was okay, since the wedding party showed up in casual-wear anyway. The food was excellent (grilled salmon and marinated tri-trip, mashed potatoes, sauteed carrots and squash, spinach salad, 3 types of fresh bread). My mother had rented linens and chair covers and had set up tables and chairs along the length of the front of her wrap-around porch. She laid out faux fall foliage runners on each table with a potted mum in the center and 3 votive candles. It turned out very nice. Of course, we ran back outside later that night to rush the linens inside after it started raining. Luckily, the guests had all left and I'd already unpinned all the bows and chair covers earlier.
The weather had cleared up by Saturday, and it ended up being a beautiful afternoon for the ceremony, which was outside (no mud!). I felt totally out of my element on the wedding day though, since I wasn't in the wedding and wasn't working it. I haven't been simply a guest at a wedding in quite some time. (Okay, only about 2 months, but that was odd too!) Kristin, my events coordinator friend, will understand this. I guess maybe I'm just more comfortable when I have a purpose at a function like that.
I updated my sidebar with an Etsy Mini. So, if anyone is interested, it will be showcasing my four most recently listed items. I'm hoping to start adding things more often, but it all depends on my schedule, creativity levels (not always stable) and craft budget (not always adhered to...).
Anyway, I don't really have too much to say. I went to my stepbrother's wedding last Saturday, and had taken a half day at work on Friday to drive up to my Mom's to help with the rehearsal dinner. Traffic was not on my side. I got there about an hour before the wedding party was supposed to arrive. (Oh, if you're wondering, the rehearsal dinner was at my mother's house, with the meal prepared by a family friend.) I never got a chance to change into the outfit I was planning on wearing, which was okay, since the wedding party showed up in casual-wear anyway. The food was excellent (grilled salmon and marinated tri-trip, mashed potatoes, sauteed carrots and squash, spinach salad, 3 types of fresh bread). My mother had rented linens and chair covers and had set up tables and chairs along the length of the front of her wrap-around porch. She laid out faux fall foliage runners on each table with a potted mum in the center and 3 votive candles. It turned out very nice. Of course, we ran back outside later that night to rush the linens inside after it started raining. Luckily, the guests had all left and I'd already unpinned all the bows and chair covers earlier.
The weather had cleared up by Saturday, and it ended up being a beautiful afternoon for the ceremony, which was outside (no mud!). I felt totally out of my element on the wedding day though, since I wasn't in the wedding and wasn't working it. I haven't been simply a guest at a wedding in quite some time. (Okay, only about 2 months, but that was odd too!) Kristin, my events coordinator friend, will understand this. I guess maybe I'm just more comfortable when I have a purpose at a function like that.
Originally, my mother had made appointments for the bride and all of the bridesmaids to have their hair and makeup done at her usual salon. A week or so before the wedding, the bride decided they were all going to go somewhere else for it. (I thought this was crappy, since they weren't obligated to use my mother's stylist in the first place, and the bride could have declined the offer. Mom was even going to pay for it. And, the stylist had blocked out the whole day for the bridal party, and put off her annual anniversary trip to accept the appointment as a favor to my mom.) Anyway, since the bride and entourage were going elsewhere, my mom and I went and got our hair and makeup done. Mom offered to pay for mine. (I let her, since otherwise, I'd have been doing it all myself.) Let me tell you, at the end I was feeling quite glamorous. (Hopefully, it was not all delusional.) I was probably overdressed and over-made up/coiffed for the wedding, but I didn't care. I didn't get any good pictures of the hair, though I did attempt to take a few after getting back that night. Oh well.
Anyway...that's all for now. As for tomorrow, this week's tv dilemma is whether to continue with my guilty pleasure show (Top Model) or to watch Pushing Daisies, which looks funny and morbid all at once. Right up my alley...
And the next name that I am going to call...is...Pushing Daisies. (Sorry Tyra, but your signature line has gotten tired.)
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